The Sickness in Chicago
Salvaging a trip when you just don't feel great
For several months I've been excited for this week two concerts in Chicago, celebrating the end of a terminally weird year with some winter fun. Andrew Bird and an excuse to dress up. Golden Smog and a reason to get down. With two nights in my favorite Chicago Airbnb which is a cozy little cubby hole on the North side.
When deeper than normal snow came to Chicago over the weekend? Even better! I love snowy Chicago! I packed warm, hit I-55, and rolled into town Monday afternoon with plans for concerts, a little shopping, lots of coffeehouses, and getting my cozy on.
I ordered my favorite local burger for dinner delivery and started getting ready. And that's when the vertigo set in. It's not a new thing, the spells where everything spins and gets hazy. I feel like my head's being held under water, at its worst.
Saturday morning I was getting ready for the drive to Kansas City with CJ’s dad when the vertigo hit. By the time we arrived fore the art show I could barely stand without reeling. Back home, after eight hours on the road, I crawled straight into bed and slept for well over 12 hours.
And yet, I'm awful at being able to tell if I'm sick. Having been taught early to power through when I feel bad, I don't have the best sense of what's going on with my body. Honestly, I can't tell the difference between being sick and being lazy. - Do I feel bad or am I just looking for an excuse to not go?
Pretty sure this is part of the reason why I hobbled around on busted knees for a few years. I still sometimes think my new knees were overkill even though I had no cartilage and I was a half-inch shorter from bone loss.
Why yes, I do have a therapist.
Anyway, I took Covid and flu tests on Sunday to make sure I didn't have those bugs and they were negative. Monday I felt better and hit the road, confident I would at church for Andrew that night. But I wasn't, and I was okay with that. Mostly. I had a quiet night, early bedtime, and plans to have a great Tuesday.
Except I awoke at 5 am with an upset stornach. Eventually I went back to sleep only to wake up four hours later with the return of the drowning dizzies.
Today, I have barely left my nest on the couch. Deliveries of nausea meds, French toast, and matzoh ball soup. If I'm going to be sick, at least I can have local food brought to me this is hardly my first sick trip. They happen quite a lot. And being a solo traveler, it's the one time when I wish I had more companions, someone to spot me should vertigo hit during the show makes the difference between going and not.
A few days ago I posted on social media about coming to Chicago and being interested in seeing people. I reached out to some people I knew were going to the shows, and got no response. If people don't want to hang while I'm healthy, I know they don't want to be around when I'm sick. It's a lesson I've learned repeatedly. It's one that makes me very cautious about going anywhere if I'm even feeling a little wonky.
I'm talking to my doctor soon about other treatments for the disorder that causes my vertigo spells. I want to be able to see the places and things that capture my heart without being reliant on others. As much as I love this little Chicago garden apartment, I do wish I was heading to the show with the knowledge that someone has my back.