Baggage for California

Wondering if I can handle what might be the trip of a lifetime

Friday night, I booked myself on a three-hour sunset whale-watching boat ride in Monterey Bay for the night before I fly home. A happy way to end a rough week.

Until I wrote about my potential Monterey County plans last week, whale-watching hadn’t even crossed my mind. Now I’m obsessed, checking out what animals have been seen on each tip this month, buying all the anti-nausea drugs, digging some sweaters and scarves out for that dusk ocean chill.

My brain only has room for three things right now: returning CJ to college this week, Taylor Swift, and whales.

I had no idea there was a Tay Tay/whale Easter egg, but of course there is. “Yes, Whale!” seems like a perfectly reasonable thing to yell on a whale-watching cruise.

As I mentioned, it’s been a rough week. A little depressive spell (most likely from a change in my meds), round three of emptying the nest (and feeling like CJ and I didn’t do any fun stuff together this summer), the world, everything. Plus, it’s inhospitably hot and humid. I find myself wanting time to speed along and stop at the same time.

Escaping sounds good. I’m ready.

Yesterday, I clicked on an ad in my timeline for a Paris vacation rental. Mistake. First, I didn’t need to know that lodging in Paris and L.A. are about the same price. Second, now my algorithm is nothing but stuff luring me to France and, occasionally, Italy.

Indeed, I spent a chunk of time browsing Parisian lodging options with no intention of booking the flight because, lest we forget, I need a goddamn job. But they have jobs in Paris, right?

Maybe I should calm down and focus on being lucky enough to spend time in California these next two months. Especially this first trip, which encompasses so many things I’ve wanted to do and see since I was a little tot, first hearing about them.

I’m so lucky to have friends in both areas of California. I’ll be visiting before October. But I’ve been thinking about being alone. Is my love for some places contingent on the people I love who reside there? Probably not. I don’t always see friends in New Orleans or Tulsa or Chicago, and I always have a great, fulfilling time.

I’m figuring out some big life stuff with no clue where I’ll land. That’s what 5:30 a.m. flights are for—putting on the noise-cancelling headphones and thinking about life. I’ve shed so many tears on planes—happy and sad—and erupted into giggles so many times. A week from today, that’s exactly what I’ll be doing. We’ll see where I land when I’m on the ground in Oakland with the expanse of California in front of me.

Or, buy me a coffee. I need them with these early time-traveling flights.